I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
