Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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