just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
