did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
