Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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