dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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