Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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