Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
