Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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