she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So much rum. So many feels.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
