census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize