Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
