wanna go halves on a baby?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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