I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
