I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
