I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
