first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Shame is for Republicans.
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