PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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