I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
