she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize