D3 body, D1 cock
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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