o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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