Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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