Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
