Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
