There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
