Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
