a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
