I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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