Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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