This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
