dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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