I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
