Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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