Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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