we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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