he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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