drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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