I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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