my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week đ
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
