please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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