i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
