In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
