It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
