I wish life had little blips of pornography
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
