You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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