He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
