Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
