Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
