I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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