As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
