Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize