That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
