Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
