Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.