Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
