i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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