he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
