Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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