A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize